So let's talk music and entertainment. (Finally!)
As I mentioned, our cruise on the Celebrity Summit was a traditional cruise (as opposed to our 80's Cruise), and as such, it featured traditional cruise ship entertainment. Here is the good, the bad and the ugly. (Well, it never really got ugly, but you know what I mean.)
The following musicians and bands were scattered throughout the ship in the various venues during the day and night. All the ones I saw were at least decent.
1. Anna Korniienko - Solo Guitarist
Anna is a young (20-something) Ukrainian acoustic artist. She had a lovely singing voice, played well, and had a pretty extensive repertoire. (I saw her play four or five sets over the course of the cruise, and she only repeated a few songs.) She mostly played at (or at least I mostly saw her at) the ship's coffee shop, Cafe Al Baco. She was my favorite shipboard entertainer. Her only negative - I asked if she played any Joni Mitchell, and she obviously had no idea who that was. (Oh, these kids today!) I loved her voice and her phrasing, though.
2. Diamond Duo - Instrumental Duo
This act consisted of a young female Ukranian (I believe) violinist and a male Russian (again, I believe) acoustic guitarist. I suspect they're a couple. They played all instrumental classical and pop music. I saw them perform three times at the Cellar Masters venue, the ship's wine bar. They played everything from Sting (if I remember properly) to pieces from Bizet's Carmen. I enjoyed the way she'd suddenly stand and start dancing along when she was playing a piece she was particularly inspired by.
3. Ocean Beat - Dance Band
This was a multinational 4-piece band that played mostly light pop and danceable classics. We generally caught them in the ship's 4th-deck Rendezvous Lounge, which is right next to the place where we entered (and, sadly, exited) the ship. We caught them at least twice, and I wish we'd caught them more.
4. Colby Dean - Solo Guitarist
This was a gentle young singer from Montana who reminded me of one of my co-workers (who is also a musician). He was the other artist who played regularly at Cafe Al Baco. Humorously enough, I spent a good deal of the week chasing an acoustic duo listed on the Celebrity App as The Ways around the ship, never quite catching them, until I realized that Colby was The Ways (or half of them, anyway). It turns out that until the last sailing, he was part of a duo, but he signed a new contract and his partner went home. His repertoire was less extensive than Anna's, mostly because he was just getting used to playing as a solo artist. (He said he'd had to quickly learn an entire album by the Hawaiian artist Jack Johnson in order to have enough material to make it through the cruise.) He was always pleasant and enjoyable, though, and was probably at his best doing material in the vein of James Taylor.
5. Trust Me, Jack! - House Band
This was a British 3-piece that added a female singer (I think from Spain?) I wish I'd seen more of them, but I have to give them an incomplete. The first time was saw them was during a brief set without their singer at the sailaway on Day 1 on the Deck 11 Sky Lounge. And the second time, when we saw them at the Rendezvous Lounge, wasn't a fair test of their abilities. There was an obviously developmentally disabled woman on the ship who seemed to be traveling alone. I saw her a number of times at Cafe Al Bacio, where she would sometimes sing along quietly with either Colby or Anna. However, when she was watching one of the full bands, especially Trust Me, Jack!, she would get so excited that she's sing along in a very loud and off key voice, to the point where if you were sitting anywhere near her (and we were), you really couldn't get the proper effect of the band. I did walk through the lounge on the way to the Men's Room one night when they were doing their British Invasion set, and heard them do an excellent version of Elton John's "Rocket Man". But I don't feel like I ever got to hear them do their thing properly.
There was also supposed to be a "Jazz, Funk and Soul Orchestra" somewhere. But they were only listed on the Celebrity App as playing one set on Day 4. And I have a feeling they were either a fiction on this cruise (like The Ways), or they were the backing band from the main theater cutting loose one time in another venue. In any event, real or not, I never saw them.
Now let's talk about The Theatre where the ship's headline show played every night. I want to preface this section with two things. The first is that overall, I enjoyed the nightly shows, and I was entirely satisfied with the shipboard entertainment as a whole.
The second is this. Some of you have pointed out that I can be a bit...um...sarcastic at times, and it seems that many of my readers enjoy that. During this cruise, however, I started reading a book recommended to me by my friend Rich Da Drummer (from The Slant) called The Four Agreements.
This is a type of self-help book that speaks of four agreements you should make with yourself to help you live a more fulfilled and happier life. I'm enjoying it so far, but I've only gotten as far as the first agreement, which is this: Be Impeccable With Your Word. This refers not only to being honest with people, but uses the notion of "the word" in a kind of Biblical sense - the things you say (and write) bring things into existence, and you want to be careful to say and write things that create positive things for yourselves and others.
So my struggle in this section will be to give you honest reviews while remaining impeccable in my word. Here we go:
Night One: Gary Lovini - Violinist
This guy totally wasn't what I was expecting. I was picturing a classical violinist in a formal dark suit, and what I got was a Brit in a shiny (possible sequiny) Vegas white shirt. (I forgot to bring my distance glasses to the theatre that night, so I'm not really sure about the sequins.) Nevertheless, I really enjoyed him. He was backed by the ship's band, who occasionally sang along softly to the otherwise all-instrumental set. His show began with a violin version of A-ha's "Take On Me," and included a Star Wars tribute where his bow magically turned into a light saber, and a full tribute to the music of Queen. The theatre was a little empty that night, at least during the first show, but I suspect this was because a lot of our aged fellow passengers were still recovering from the fatigue of the boarding process. (It wasn't actually that bad for this trip, but I know it always takes a lot out of me.)
Night Two: "Life" - a Musical Review
This was the first of two production shows that featured the ship's cast of singers, dancers and acrobats. In all, there were four main singers, about eight dancers, and two acrobats. I didn't recognize much of the music, but I enjoyed the show, which was intended to be a rather positive musical nod to the various steps and phases of life. The singers were all good, the choreography enjoyable, and the acrobats (one male and one female) were amazing. Very good show.
Night Three - A.J. Jamal - Comedian
We didn't catch him for this show, as it was our first night in Bermuda, and we had an excursion into the Bermuda Triangle on a glass-bottomed boat. We heard good things about him, though, and we did see him twice later in the cruise - once as part of a panel for the game Liar's Club, and then again later in the cruise for a special late-night "adult" show in the Theatre towards the end of the cruise. He was funny both times, and not overly raunchy at the adult show.
Night Four - Gen Maldonado - Singer
Gen is a New York-born singer from The Bronx who performed a show that was a tribute to "The Divas" (Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin, Donna Summers, Barbra Streisand, etc.)
A couple of things about her. Number one, she should shoot her photographer, as based on her publicity photo, my question for Denise was "Is this someone who was born a woman or who came to that station later in life?" As soon as she took the stage, it was clear that she was, as Aretha might have said, a "Natural Woman". I think she uses that photo because it was taken when she was a little younger, and she's also gotten a little heavier since then, but she'd really be better off with a more recent picture so her audience better understood who she was and what her act might be like.
Be impeccable in your word, Richard!
No, I wasn't trying to pick on her in any way, but ... Ok, fine.
In any event, she had a very powerful voice, and a really likable personality. I didn't necessarily love her choice of material - I like Tina Turner, but I wouldn't have chosen the particular Tina songs she chose, for example. On the other hand, it could have been worse, as she did choose the one Streisand song I find somewhat tolerable ("The Way We Were"), and she left out most of the diva's that I can't deal with, like Celine Dion, Bette Midler and Cher.
Be impeccable in your word, Richard!
OK, OK. In any event, the audience loved her, and I...liked her.
Night Four - "Reigning Rocks"
This was a brand new "boutique show" (about thirty minutes long) that the singers and dancers (minus the acrobats) put on up in the Sky Lounge. It was actually one of the highlights of my cruise. The cast entered the room with the four singers dressed as kings and queens, and the dancers dressed as their court. They proceeded to put on an energetic show of mostly (all?) Queen music on the club's dance floor. Especially considering this was the first time they'd performed this show, it was really enjoyable.
Night Five - Intimate Broadway Caberet
This was a great idea in concept. The way our (excellent) Cruise Director Sarah explained it, it's a show that's performed on every Celebrity ship. However, it's different on each ship, as it's a show where the ship's singers choose those Broadway Musical songs that most inspire them.
Like I said, it's a great idea in concept. In practice, however, the problem here is leaving the singers in charge of picking the material. It reminded me of the part in The Producers where Max Bialystock tries to convince Franz Liebkind that the best way to tank Springtime for Hitler is for Liebkind to kill the actors. A horrified Leo Bloom objects to this, saying "You can't kill the actors! Actors are human beings!" Leading Max to respond, "Oh yeah? Did you ever eat with one?" Never leave the singers in charge.
Please, Richard! Be impeccable in your word!
Right. Sorry book.
In any event, the show featured the four main singers of the ship's cast plus two singer/dancers, given free reign to each pick a Broadway song that inspired them.
The first gal chose something from Thoroughly Modern Millie. Really? Ok, fine. This was followed by a rather slight fellow, one of the singer/dancers, who chose a song from the Hugh Jackman vehicle, The Boy from Oz. And I'm looking at this dude, and I'm picturing Hugh Jackman, and something's just not clicking here.
Now to the best of my knowledge, there are (at least three) musicals based on the novel The Wizard of Oz. Two of them, the 1939 movie, later turned into a stage show, and the smash hit Wicked, are great shows. So naturally, the next singer picks something from The Wiz. And it wasn't "Ease on Down the Road".
Richard!
Yeah, yeah. Then the fourth gal steps up, the other singer/dancer, and she picks something from another musical that I don't even think she named (let's just call it The Suck Show), that was once again set in The Roaring Twenties.
Are you people serious?! No one here is inspired by "Defying Gravity"? Andrew Lloyd Webber is right out? Jesus Christ!
Richard!!
At this point, a couple who'd been sitting a few rows in front of us got up and walked out. And as they walked past me, I gave them a smile and a nod. Because if I wasn't there with Denise, I would have been right out of there with them.
Richard! Remember the First Agreement! Be impeccable in your word!
OK. Right. Sorry. I just got a little carried away there.
Now, the next guy, who was probably my favorite singer in the cast, did a little better, but it was kind of a cheat. Because he chose Elton John's "Your Song" from the jukebox musical Moulin Rouge. Cheat or no, I was relieved, though. At least it was something I'd heard of.
And the final singer upped the ante in terms of cheating. Because she did an entire medley from Beautiful: The Carole King Musical. But again, I was just glad to hear something I was familiar with. (And let's face it, King was a great songwriter.)
Finally, for the end of the show, all six singers got together and did a medley that wasn't even a cheat, from Les Miserables. This was definitely the highlight of the show, and in fact, I wished it went on for a little longer. So the last three songs pulled the show out somewhat. But just barely.
At lunch the next day, one of the couples we were sitting with agreed with my take - it really wasn't fun to sit through so many obscure songs when there are so many great Broadway tunes to choose from. Again, never let the singers choose your show's songs.
Alright, let's just move on, shall we?
Absolutely, book. Let's do that.
Night Six - Uptown Boys
Ho boy. Here's where I really get myself in trouble, especially since these guys are a New York-based act.
Just remember - Be impeccable in your word, and you'll be alright.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
This is an act where three guys sing "all the hits" of Billy Joel. I don't know, Billy Joel has a lot of hits. But let's see.
From the minute these guys stepped out onto the stage, doing their version of "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant", I immediately burst out laughing. These were the loungiest Billy Joel's you're ever gonna see.
Richard...
In my head, I immediately named them The Buttmunch Boys, and all I could think about was Butt-head asking, "Do you think these guys sleep in the same bed, Beavis?"
For the love of God, Richard!
The deal was this. You had three marginal Broadway musical guys (the tall guy did say he'd been cast as the lead once, but in a show that only lasted a month). All of them had OK voices, in the sense that they could all at least hold a tune. But none of them had interesting enough voices that they could carry a show on their own, and they all struck me as having the kind of voices you'd mostly put in comical bit parts, like maybe the weird uncle, etc. And not one of the three sounded even remotely like Billy Joel!
Now to their credit, they (or someone) actually came up with a concept where these guys could make a living in show business. You take three marginal talents, group them up together (so they can cover up one another's flaws somewhat), and give them an angle like, "OK, you guys only sing Billy Joel songs." Then you send them out on cruise ships and similar type entertainment venues.
(In fact, you might actually send them out on multiple cruise ships at the same time, because as best I could tell from their website, there are actually about twelve different Buttmunch...um, I mean Uptown Boys. So you can have various different pairings of three of them, maybe even working on three or four ships at the same time. And I'm not sure, but I think the tall guy who was performing on this ship might have been the one who came up with the concept.)
A couple of caveats. Number one, they actually did their best work on Billy's stuff from later albums, especially An Innocent Man: "Tell Her About It," "Uptown Girl" and "The Longest Time" all sounded significantly more credible than did any of Billy's earlier stuff, like "Anthony's Song" or "Only the Good Die Young". But that's not at all my favorite Billy Joel material, and as you might expect, they left out quite a few of his best earlier songs.
And caveat number two: I might just be an asshole, because they got a pretty good reception from most of this (enfeebled and possibly senile) crowd.
I'm really disappointed in you, Richard.
Me too, book. Let's keep going.
Night Seven - "Soundtrack" - A musical review featuring music from films.
The first couple of songs here were kind of obscure, and for one of them, we were back in The Roaring Twenties again. And all I could think of was, "Just how old do these people think we are?"
It got better, though, and it certainly didn't hurt that the dancers and the acrobats were back.
The acrobats kind of stole every show they were in. And I wondered to myself did the rest of the cast realize that? They had to, because the acrobats consistently got the most applause at the end of the night. Because a singer can sing, and if they flub it, what's the worst thing that can happen? An embarrassing note or two. But the girl acrobat was up there around the roof of the theater a couple of times. And if she flubbed it, she, and probably several of the people in the audience below her, were either going to die or they were going to have to be Medivac'd off the ship. Although there was one time when the young African-American singer was singing her heart out at the front of stage, and the male acrobat was rolling around in circles behind her inside his giant hoola-hoop. And all I could think of was she must have a lot of faith in him, because if he screwed up even a little, he was going to clobber her from behind and send her flying into the audience.
You're killing me, Richard. You're just killing me.
In any event, they eventually moved into some more familiar territory, and their best bit was a medley of songs from the various James Bond films. Denise was happy about this too, because one of the ones they did was "A View to a Kill".
Night Eight - Bob Brizendine - Comedian/Magician
This was the last act that actually showed up on the app, so maybe they booked him late. In any event, I spent most of the week referring to him as Billy Branzino, because there was branzino on the menu one night, and I remembered the "BB" initials and that there was a "z" in the last name somewhere.
This was a weird act to book on a cruise ship, because most of what he did was playing-card magic, and some comedy surrounding it. And really, unless you were sitting in the front rows, he could have told us there were naked pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch on the cards and we'd have had to take him at his word. As it happened, this was the one night where we chose to sit in the balcony. But even if we'd have sat where we usually sat, I couldn't have seen those cards on my best day, and it wasn't like they were using any projector equipment to help us out.
In spite of this, I actually liked him. He was very funny, and pretty patient, given that half the audience members he was trying to work with were decrepit and the other half were deliberately giving him a hard time.
Richard...
What? I said I liked him. That was pretty impeccable, wasn't it?
(No answer - just gentle sobbing)
Night 9 - Unique3
This show consisted of three female singers who were supposed to encompass the best of rock, soul and Broadway.
Funny story - on Night Two of our trip, two of these gals wound up eating dinner at the table behind us in the Main Dining Room. And as they're all attractive, and young, and famous (for a cruise ship, anyway) the waiters were just fawning over them, bringing them extra rolls and a special bottle of wine, etc. And the ladies were flirting back some, enjoying the attention and the special perks. And we were sitting close enough that although I wasn't trying to listen in on their conversation, it became clear to me who these gals were - they were originally listed on the app as the headliners for Night Seven, but once old Billy Branzino got booked, they were moved to Night Nine. So when Night Nine actually came along, I figured for sure there was going to be no service in any of the dining rooms, because all of the waiters would be at the show.
Richard, I'm getting tired of this!
Anyway, when these three gals came out, it became immediately apparent that these were no Uptown Boys. All three of these women could sing, especially Angelique, the one girl who hadn't been at dinner with the other two. (I thought it was kind of mean that she was the one minority girl in the group, and the other two had eaten without her, but who knows? Maybe she only got on the ship later in either Bermuda or Charleston.)
Jesus Christ, Richard!
In any event, this was a pretty good show. Lisa, the Broadway gal, did a fine version of "Somewhere" from West Side Story, and Emily held her own nicely, even though she was the newest member of the group. Although I would say that their stage personalities were a little like a Saturday Night Live parody of what a cruise singer might be like.
You f***ing asshole! I've had enough of your bulls***! You're not even f***ing trying to be impeccable, are you?!
I don't think you're supposed to be cursing at me like that, book. Be impeccable with your word.
Oh, f*** you!
As for Angelique, she did some fine Tina Turner, among other things.
Anyway, at one point, the three of them teamed up with a medley from the Carole King Beautiful show, and it was great. (And honestly, nothing against the ship singers, but it was better than their medley from Beautiful.)
So that's my rundown of the music and entertainment on The Celebrity Summit during our cruise. We also attended a few Silent Disco's (where everybody wears headphones that have three different channels of music, so they're dancing, but not necessarily to the same thing.) These were fun, and would you believe it? On this ship, anyway, The Village People are still immensely popular! (And deservedly so, I might add).
I think I might do one more short entry in this series just to bring it all together. But anyway, we're home now, and we're not scheduled to cruise again until next March's 80's Cruise out of Los Angeles.
But is it wrong that we've started talking about whether we can can squeeze in an extra cruise this July?
Be impeccable in your word, everyone!
