I just wanted to do one more entry in this series to talk about some of the odds and ends from my recent Celebrity Cruise that I left out of the first three parts.
1. At the Movies
I'd like to add one big thing that I forgot about the Celebrity Summit vs. Royal Caribbean's Mariner of the Seas comparison that goes in Mariner's favor (and another small advantage for the Summit).
One tiny, but much appreciated thing, in the Summit's favor was the availability of Truvia on the ship. I tend to use artificial sweeteners in coffee, iced tea, etc., and Truvia is the one I use at home. It seems to me to be healthier than both Sweet & Low or Splenda, and it certainly tastes better than Sweet & Low, especially in iced tea. Truvia is rarely available in restaurants, etc., so I appreciated its presence on the Summit.
But here's one big thing in the Mariner's favor. I didn't watch any movies on the big screen on Mariner, partially because we were too busy, and partially because in keeping with the 80's Cruise theme, it was screening all 1980's films that I've seen a million times that week. But presumably on a typical cruise, Mariner shows more recent films, and according to the deck plans, their big screen is right out on the pool deck (as it is on most cruise ships).
But the Summit is a pretty old ship, so when they decided to add a big screen, they took a novel approach - they put it up on the very top deck, Deck 12.
Now when I started to get the Summit's entertainment itinerary in dribs and drabs on their app, one of the things I was excited about was that they were planning to show the most recent Spider-Man movie, Spider-Man: No Way Home. I didn't catch it in the theaters, and I have no idea when or if it will show up for free on a home streaming channel (or even which channel it might pop up on). So I definitely planned to catch it while I was on the ship.
Unfortunately, one of the few annoying things on the Summit was that the schedule on the app wasn't always accurate. The app claimed that the film was going to be showing on the big screen on Day 5 (I think) at like 5PM. However, when we got the paper schedule for that day, it claimed that the big screen was actually going to be showing Mamma Mia! at that time instead. Now Mamma Mia! is from frigging 2008 - it's more than 10 years old. So why some genius would decide to replace the new Spider-Man film with Mamma Mia! is beyond me.
I had a feeling that the paper schedule was probably the more recent (and more accurate) one. Nevertheless, I figured that I'd head up there on Day 5, see for sure which of the two films was playing, and if nothing else, I'd at least scope out what the situation was on the movie deck. So a little before 5PM, I headed up there.
There was no way to get up there by the internal elevators, so instead, I went up to Deck 11. I had my cane with me, and a canvas bag that had my sunglasses, my distance glasses and a baseball cap in it (in case I was stuck out in the sun).
I walked around on the port side, and discovered to my chagrin a daunting outdoor metal staircase up to Deck 12, one of those where the stairs aren't even solid - you can see through the back of each step. Not great if you're afraid of heights, like I am. There was also a sign that said "Elevator up to Deck 12 is on the starboard side of the ship." Crap. So I had to either hobble around to the other side of the ship, or I sort of had to be Spider-Man and climb up those stairs to get up there.
I decided that instead of ambling over to other side, I'd try the staircase. This turned out not to be fun, especially because I was carrying both my cane and my canvas bag. But I took it slow, and terrifying as it was, eventually I made it up there.
I wandered around the aft of the ship, and discovered that the chairs were all those kind of outdoor fabric ones some people have for lawn furniture. They were all a bit damp, as it had rained on and off for the whole cruise. And all the ones out of the sun were already taken.
I found the least damp seat I could that had at least a little shade and sat down. Needless to say, a few minutes later, the opening credits for Mamma Mia! started rolling.
Shit!
"Well, at least I can take the elevator going back down," I told myself. I gimped my way around to the starboard side of the ship and found the "elevator". It was actually a glorified wheelchair lift. It was nothing but an exposed outdoor platform that had a rail around it that was about up to my waist. I took one look at it and decided there was no way. God forbid the stupid thing stalled and I'd be stuck halfway between Decks 12 and 11 in an exposed situation that would totally set off my acrophobia. (And it didn't look all that reliable.)
So I took my canvas bag and cane in my left hand and grabbed the staircase railing in a death grip in with my right one, and slowly, terrifyingly made my way back down the exposed metal staircase. (I almost kissed Deck 11 when I finally got down there.)
Two days later, the paper schedule showed that Spider-Man: No Way Home was playing that night at 5:30. Thanks for nothing, Celebrity. I passed.
Mariner of the Seas has it all over the Celebrity Summit when it comes to their big outdoor movie screen.
2. Does Bermuda Come Up Short(s)?
I'll tell you truth, originally I totally intended to trash Bermuda in this blog. They were the ones who pushed the special health regulations that eventually caused Celebrity to rearrange the order of their itinerary, and ultimately caused us to miss the port of Newport, Rhode Island entirely. And since I'd sailed to Bermuda before, and was most looking forward to the Charleston and Newport ports, I was not amused. (A lot of people were also a little ticked that we all had to shell out an extra 40 bucks for the privilege of Bermuda processing the extra health questionnaire that none of us wanted to do in the first place. F U, Bermuda.)
I can also say that the one lunkhead I experienced all cruise was the clown who was working the terminal in Bermuda. We were told by the ship we'd have to wear masks in the Bermuda terminal, and possibly outdoors on land as well. However, Denise and I had a night excursion the first night we got there, so when we went through the terminal (which was about ten steps wide), it was a ghost town. And the few people who were around weren't wearing masks. So we didn't either.
However, after the excursion was over, when we were about to go back through the terminal, there was a guy there to take our I.D. And as I was fumbling with my wallet to find mine, he told me somewhat rudely that I needed to put my mask on. Really, pal? For the privilege of walking ten steps through an empty terminal? Asshole.
The saving grace, however, was the two women who actually worked our excursion, the late night glass bottom boat into the Bermuda Triangle, Captain Zoey and her helper, Triana.
When Denise and I were in Bermuda 20 years ago on a Royal Caribbean ship, we'd taken essentially the same excursion. And part of the fun is going out into the Bermuda Triangle at night and hearing the stories of all the ships that had disappeared there. Unfortunately, that time, after the captain told like one scary story, some idiot woman who apparently hadn't read the excursion description, piped in and said, "Excuse me, but you're scaring my children. Can you not tell these stories, please?"
What?!!!! Why did you bring children on an excursion like this? So of course, that was all we got in the way of stories about ship disappearances.
Anyway, Captain Zoey and Triana were very nice and entertaining. And as I'm quite a bit less spry than I was twenty years ago, I appreciated their help in getting from the top of the boat to the bottom while we were still moving. And while they told us the story of the ship disappearances, they also spoke with obvious pride about their lives in Bermuda (both had been born there), and what it was like there.
So Bermuda, I'm letting you off easy, thanks solely to Captain Zoey and Triana. Next time, you won't be so lucky!
3. Charleston, SC and the Cancellation of our Plantation Excursion.
As I mentioned in an earlier entry, the change in the schedule totally screwed up our scheduled excursions in Charleston. We were supposed to do an excursion to a plantation on one day, and a city tour the next. Unfortunately, after the change in itinerary, we eventually wound up with two excursions that were booked at overlapping times. There was also conflicting information on the plantation excursion. The description Denise had found listed it as having a "mild" activity level, but when we got on the ship, the paper description of tour listed the activity level as "moderate".
Now even under normal circumstances, I sometimes find even the ones they list as "mild" a little challenging. I didn't feel up to a "moderate" one. In fact, the truth was that for the first half of this cruise, I often felt pretty lousy physically. I think my blood sugar was all out of whack, and the stress of doing all the things necessary to prepare for the cruise didn't help. I also had a variety of mild ailments going on, including an ear that stuffed up from the moment we got on the ship, some arthritis issues, etc. So I didn't want to push myself too hard.
When we went to the excursion desk, they asked if we wanted to do both excursions on the same day, but I had to tell them no. There was no way I felt I was up for it. So we cancelled the plantation excursion, which I felt bad about, because it was the one that Denise really wanted to do. I told her it was OK with me if she went on that one and left me to do the bus tour, but she decided against it.
As it turned out, thanks to the later change in itinerary (where we lost Newport but were given an extra day in Charleston), it could have worked out if we'd have moved the city tour to the third day in Charleston and rebooked the plantation excursion for the second one. (The plantation one wasn't offered on the third day.) But at that point, I really didn't want to go changing things around again. (Nor did I want to reward Celebrity for all the confusion by buying an extra excursion from them.)
4. Captain Kate vs. Captain Nicklaus
Odds are if you're not a cruise junkie and don't watch all of the cruise vlogs, etc., you've never heard of Captain Kate, aka Kate McCue. But she's the superstar captain for Celebrity Cruise lines. In an industry where most of the cruise ship captains are aging Greek or Italian guys, Captain Kate is a relatively young, photogenic, American woman who was the first American female to be named captain of a large cruise ship. And in today's world, where old white dudes are out of style, as you can imagine, Celebrity has done everything possible to wring the maximum amount of publicity (and the maximum amount of virtue-signaling points) out of Captain Kate. She gets to captain Celebrity's newest ships, and she has essentially become the face of the cruise line. And all of my favorite cruise vloggers sing her praises, name-drop how friendly they are with her, etc. (Don from Don's Family Vacations even made a video last week were he talked about sending her a special package of the kinds of snacks she loves but can't always get when she's at sea.)
Now I'm not trying to poop on Captain Kate's parade. I have no reason to believe that she's anything other than an excellent captain who has worked hard to attain her position.
Nevertheless, I'm sure that all of the (relatively anonymous) male captains of the fleet must hate her guts and want her dead. And one day, at some company function or other, the lights will go out briefly, and when they come back on, they'll find her body has been stabbed, shot and hacked to bits in a total Murder on the Orient Express scenario.
So when the captain of the Celebrity Summit came on the ship's speaker as I was making my way down from my Spider-Man debacle, and announced that we wouldn't be going to Newport after all because of inclement weather, I was less than pleased. And when our (excellent) cruise director Sarah explained at the show that night that what Captain Nicklaus had meant by "inclement weather" was we'd be sailing through 25-foot high waves, I understood. But what I really wanted to do was track Sarah down, and tell her, "Please give Captain Nicklaus a message for me. Tell him Captain Kate would have gotten us to Rhode Island."
But Denise wouldn't let me.
I think that about wraps it up for my Celebrity Summit cruise summary.
On a sad note (but it's probably for the best) we've worked out that extra cruise we were hoping to slip in in July on the Carnival Magic just isn't going to happen. We have house guests coming that month, and the dates that they'll be here overlap both of the possible cruises we were looking at. So unless something totally unexpected happens, we'll be landlocked until the 80's Cruise next March. Oh well. It was a thought.
